Cream pudding using tofu

 Avoiding a recent disaster, I returned to tweak my longstanding recipe (instant pudding mix + extra firm silken tofu). It came out really good, without that tofu flavor assaulting you. It's noon and I've already eaten it as a filling in 2 pieces of pie.

The addition of flavored extract helps negate the tofu aftertaste that was bugging me. The addition of fat improves mouthfeel and makes it more dessert-like.

Formula

• 1 box instant pudding mix
• 2 tsp flavored extract
• 2 tbs melted butter or margarine
• 4 oz coconut milk
• 1 block of extra firm silken tofu

Drain the tofu. Put everything in a bowl and blend it together until it's totally smooth. That's it.

Yesterday I used vanilla pudding mix and coconut extract in this recipe. I toasted some coconut to sprinkle on top. It was definitely better the next day.

Beans + Brownie Mix + Wine + Colace = Healthy, Easy Dessert

Social media is buzzing with a new fad of making brownies with just a box of brownie mix and a can of beans. I've been hesitating to try it because it sounds too good to be true, but after 392 people say something is healthy, easy and good, it makes me curious.

Basically, they say you can simply puree a can of black beans, stir in boxed brownie mix, bake as normal, and have delicious results.

And that is true, if you like demi dolce brownies. Demi dolce is a beautiful thing, say for some Italian dessert recipes. It's also great for brownies, if you like your brownies tough and 10% satisfying to eat.

You have to tread lightly when making a dessert healthy. If you take it too far to the healthy side, you could wind up unsatisfied when eating it, and eating larger portions.

I can attest to this, because I've got a fibrous black bean mass living in my colon right now that would undoubtedly show up on x-rays. I may need to have it surgically removed.

This recipe is:

• easy
• cheap
• a great thing to bring to a potluck, if you want to never be invited again
• chocolatey, in the sense that it's the color, but not the flavor of chocolate
• dense, not in a good way
• chewy, if you like to gnaw on a rawhide dog toy
• a waste of good ingredients that didn't deserve this fate
• a crime against your stomach
• banned in some countries

Ingredients

• 1 box brownie mix (I used an 18 ounce box.)
• 1 can no salt black beans 
• wine, to taste
• 2-3 capsules of over-the-counter stool softener

Instructions

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
2. Grease a 13 " x 9 " pan.
3. Pour the wine into your favorite drinking glass.
4. Pour the can of beans into a large mixing bowl.
5. Use your stick blender to puree them until smooth.
6. Take a break to get a sip of wine and pat yourself on the back for cracking the code of secretly healthy brownies.
7. Pour the brownie mix into the mixing bowl.
8. Do not smell the batter. (You were warned.)
9. Weep because of the crime you just committed.
10. Stir vigorously until well blended. This will be a workout because you're basically mixing something the consistency of grout.
11. Realize you have just made a huge error in judgement making this recipe, take 4 more sips of wine, and go all in.
12. Pour the concoction into the baking pan. Work quickly, because the batter will thicken by the second as it evolves before your eyes into a sentient, malevolent being. Here is an actual photo of the batter before malevolence took hold.
    
13. Bake for as long as it says on the box. Ignore the moans and screams coming from the oven as you bake it.
14. Hold your breath, check the monstrosity and realize it is still rare and still making monster noises. Bake for another 10 minutes to kill it. (I say hold your breath because the smell is nasty. It smells exactly like brownies baking in your neighbor's oven, if your neighbor lives 3 doors down, and you are baking old socks and used tires in your oven.)

At this point, you'll need to slam 2-3 more glasses of wine, wait until the alcohol kicks in, and eat a warm brownie. You'll be half drunk, and it will be marginally edible while it's warm. 

After it's cooled, you'll feel as though you are chewing on my garbage can's wheel.

Use a large steak knife to saw it into pieces. Don't let the flatness of the brownie fool you into thinking it's easy to cut. It didn't rise, so it's way more dense than you think. And again, I don't mean that in a good way.

Now swallow 2-3 stool softener capsules to digest the puck. Sleep in a separate room from your partner that night because you are going to stink up the room with your bean batter farts.

Alternatives

I have heard of people using a mix of blonde brownie mix and a can of white beans to make this recipe. They are the same type of liars that told me you could make the chocolate ones, and I hope they all have itchy tags in all shirts they buy for the rest of their lives.

I have heard of some people not using the liquid from the bean can and instead replacing it with water. Let's face it, this recipe is not good enough to bother trying that.

Aquafaba English Pancakes

I tried these today. I used black salt instead of table salt to give it a slight eggy taste. This resulted in a really strong sulfur smell, so I added a bunch of nutmeg (another eggy sort of flavor), a pinch of cinnamon and 2 tbs of sugar. The sulfur smell went away and the flavor was definitely in the background.

These were totally awesome and easy to make. Try them!

https://avirtualvegan.com/vegan-english-pancakes/

Unbelievably delicious DIY instant vegan soup

I threw this together today and wanted to share. So easy, and it didn't need refrigeration!

If you don't know, TVP stands for textured vegetable protein. It is a soy product. It comes in chunks (like ground beef) or strips (like beef strips).

Ingredients:

1/2 brick of ramen noodles without seasoning packet
1 tbs miso
1 tbs chopped green onion
1/2 vegetarian bullion cube
sriracha, to taste
3/4 cup TVP strips
1 1/2 cups water

How to pack this lunch:

Put the TVP in the bottom of a portable soup cup. Add the rest of the ingredients except for the water.

How to heat it up:

Add hot water, ensuring the TVP and noodles are covered. Let sit for about 15 minutes until TVP and noodles are soft. Stir.

Creamsicle smoothie!

98 degrees and hot flashes. Necessity is the mother of invention!

I blended about 2 tablespoons of orange juice concentrate with 2/3 cup soymilk, a teaspoon of vanilla extract and 1.5 cups of soymilk. Fantastic!

Nutrition and Cancer Prevention

My lazy, accidentally vegan, unbutton-your-pants Thanksgiving dinner!

Welcome to another one of my post-holiday bragging sessions! ;)

I didn't get to have my usual homemade Thanksgiving dinner, so I woke up this morning, a day off ahead, and wanting it for breakfast.  I threw together what I had on hand, and then realized, heck, this is vegan--a little bonus!

I had store bought mashed potatoes and pie.

I made some homemade cranberry sauce--so easy and perfect.

I drained a can of yams, added a blend of brown sugar, spices and melted margarine I made in the microwave.  Done.

I had cornbread stuffing mix--done, obviously.

I made some gravy from margarine, flour, bouillon, milk (use whatever type of milk or cream you like) and fresh herbs.  Done.

Sheesh, this meal is looking awfully starchy.  Hmm.  What can I add that has more protein?  I had some frozen beans.

Before I go on--frozen pinto beans!  I've recently discovered these and they are so convenient.  Nothing added, just cooked beans that you can sprinkle in your dishes in whatever sized portions you like.  You can even throw them on a salad you're packing for lunch and they'll be defrosted by the time you eat.

Ok, back to the meal.  This was actually a really lazy way to make beans.  To a baking pan, I added margarine, salt, pepper, cumin, diced onions, a carrot, beans, a dash of siracha sauce, and nonalcoholic beer.  Threw that in the oven to let the liquids cook down.  When it was done, I just mixed it with my hand blender until it had the consistency of loose refried beans. 

The beans tasted awesome with gravy on them.  Sounds weird to me, but sometimes when you have cravings, the belly wants what it wants--and you might think of an awesome idea if you listen to it!  I was pretty shocked to see how easy it was to flavor them to complement the rest of the traditional meal.

After they baked for a while, I added the rest of the stuff to the oven to warm it up.

I cannot believe how awesome everything tasted, and it was all so easy!

Roasted tofu sandwich

Had a delicious lunch of roasted tofu and plantain in a wrap!  I sliced the tofu and coated it lightly in olive oil and chipotle sauce, then sliced a very ripe plantain lengthwise and coated it in the same manner.  Then I salted and peppered it all, and baked in for 20 minutes in a 400 degree oven.  So good!

Restaurant Review: Loving Hut

Believe it or not, I had never been to a vegetarian restaurant before today!

I had the Spicy Cha-Cha which was like breaded shrimp over lettuce and red/green bell peppers.  It had a spicy-sweet dipping sauce.  It was very tasty--very much like shrimp except milder.  (I appreciated that it had less of that strong seafood flavor like shrimp has--some of the "imitation meats" are too similar to meat for my taste.) 

I had a refreshing glass of hibiscus iced tea.  This is destined to become my new favorite drink.  It has a tangy flavor like cranberry, which contrasts nicely with its sweetness.

My non-vegetarian dining partner had a sweet and sour stir fry with cubed, battered soy protein.  He said it was good, even though he was really resistant to eating at a vegan place.  He mentioned he does not like tofu but ordered this instead of going for one of the "beefy" dishes.  Afterwards, he told me he did not realize he was ordering something that might be similar to tofu.  Again, he said he liked it but he wasn't gaga over it either, only because of the protein.  We plan to head back so he can try one of the beef-alikes.

It is extremely clean and a peaceful place to eat a casual meal.  The staff is quite friendly.

Here is their website.  Give it a try!

Verdict:  Excellent!

My Xmas Eve Menu

Here it is!  This year I knew I had to make most things ahead or at the last minute, because I didn't have the afternoon free to do my usual cooking marathon.

Several days before, I made the marinated mushrooms.

The day before, I made deviled eggs, crudites, tomato sauce and allrecipes.com's Two Ingredient Pumpkin Cake.  I used Betty Crocker's Gingerbread Cake & Cookie Mix and a small can of pumpkin puree.  I have a personal tradition of making gingerbread cookies and I didn't want to go without them just because I couldn't take the afternoon off...so I came up with this instead.  I am so glad I did.  While the cake doesn't have the cute factor the  decorated gingerbread people do, it's hardly a sacrifice taste-wise.  Maybe this will become my new tradition.

Before you make this, I highly recommend you read the comments posted below the recipe.  I followed the recommendation to add 2 eggs and a little sugar.  I also added my usual extra spices, and a splash of bourbon.  I topped it with one of the poster's recipe for a simple glaze made from confectioner's sugar, nutmeg, cinnamon and milk.  I baked it in 4 small, gift-sized loaf pans.  It is the moistest cake ever.  I'm telling you, it is unbelievable!

The hour before, I made everything else.  For me, I made Veggie Patch Meatless Meatballs.  These are fully cooked, so all you have to do is heat them up.   I don't know why, but I don't think I've ever tried these in spaghetti--what a treat!

For the cheese course, I followed Pillsbury's recipe for Baked Brie with Raspberry Preserves, except I added chopped pecans and almonds.  I omitted the cinnamon stick.

I cut the brie recipe in half so I had extra crescent rolls.  I used a rolling pin to flatten them a bit and sealed the perforations.  Then I spread margarine in them and sprinkled some Parmesan cheese and chopped basil.  Sliced into coins, they were little buttery pinwheels that went nicely with the cold appetizers.

Anyway, back to the brie.  Warm, melty, slightly sweet, creamy, with a flaky crust.  What more could you ask for?  Very good, and different. Lots of compliments!  I am sure puff pastry would be tasty too, but I didn't have time to fuss with that.  The crescents were very tasty and quick.

Then it was on to the Nutella Chess Pie.  I created a recipe involving one of my favorite ingredients--Nutella--into a nice pie reminiscent of warm brownies that aren't quite cooked all the way yet...and you eat them anyway because they are so gooey, fudgy and good.

Well...I'm off to have leftovers of brie and spice cake.  Leftovers that are more HO HO HO than HO HUM!  (OK, I know that was really cheesy! Ha, cheesy!  See what I did there?)

Buon Natale!

Bevande

Cocktails

Antipasti

Marinated Mushrooms ∞ Red & Green Deviled Eggs

Crudités ∞ Basil Pinwheels

Primi

Pasta & Meatballs ∞ Italian Bread with Olive Oil Dip

Secondi

Broiled Shrimp ∞ Broiled Garlic Eggplant

Formaggio

Brie En Croute

Dolce

Nutella Chess Pie ∞ Cookies

Pinto bean burgers and green bean salad

Had the most delicious lunch and I had to share! As many vegetarians, I've been on an endless quest for a homemade veggie burger that doesn't fall apart when you cook it.  This time I tried vital wheat gluten, and it worked great.  I was conservative about the amount because I was worried it would taste too doughy.  It didn't taste that way at all and the burgers were a little too tender.  Next time I'll add more.

These are made from pintos, onion, spices, and vital wheat gluten, then covered in cornmeal and fried.

"Hamburger" shaped rolls were sold out at the store so I had to improvise on the shape of my burgers to fit the "hoagie" rolls.

On the side I have some garlic ginger green beans from the Dinosaur Barbeque Cookbook that I swear taste as good as candy or potato chips. :)

Cannellini gaspacho

When I spent a semester in Spain, I first tasted chilled soup.  They made a cool, refreshing soup out of pureed tomatoes, garlic, fresh olive oil and cucumber chunks.  I've adapted it here by adding some cooked cannellini beans before pureeing.  You actually can't taste the beans but it makes the dish heartier...which was perfect for me right after I had dental work. :)

Another healthy, delicious, gourmet, easy-to-make way to enjoy fresh summer produce and some white beans!  Here it is, packed for lunch at work.

Hummus & Roasted Vegetable Wraps--easy!

I've got a lot going on so I am not inclined to fuss with anything time-consuming right now.

I bought some plain tortillas, store-bought hummus, a few red peppers and an eggplant.  I sliced the vegetables into big "fingers", tossed them with oil and roasted them.  I've been packing my lunch by putting the hummus and veg into a container, to be spread on a freshly warmed (microwaved) wrap right before eating.

I've always been a bit skeptical of the hummus sandwiches I read about in vegetarian magazines and websites.  Yet it really is extremely flavorful and satisfying.

One of my metrics on how good a meal is--how much I look forward to eating it, even if I ate the same thing all week.  This one passes! 

Learning by Doing

Ever since I was a little kid, I tend to try new things, just for the adventure of doing them.  I often will embark on an adventure and research instructions midway.  This procedure has not served me well, but for some reason the fascination is lowered if I look up the facts first. 

Yes, if it's some major undertaking, like tiling my backsplash, I get instructions first.  Little trial-and-error things, like growing something new--I like to try it out myself to see if I can come up with an innovative way to do it without being influenced by others.  This is generally a silly and unproductive way to do things. :)

Not learning from past failures, I tried sprouting lentils this week.  I make no excuses for this.  Fed up with our still-snowy weather at the cusp of May, I crave green and growing things. 

So now I've got a fresh crop of lentil sprouts in my sprouting jar.  I'm trying to get them a little bigger so I'm eating less bean and more sprout, only because I'm concerned the raw lentils won't be edible.  Lentils have a lot more fiber than many other beans--eating them raw would seem to be a form of self abuse. :) 

So then I looked it up and found this blog post.  The guacamole blended with lentil sprout puree sounds good. 

My sprouts need to get a little greener.  I'm putting them on the windowsill today to see if they'll green up.  Then bring on the experimentation!

The sweet appeal of the Nation of Islam's bean pie – Eatocracy - CNN.com Blogs

The sweet appeal of the Nation of Islam's bean pie – Eatocracy - CNN.com Blogs

Just when I think there is no new beany thing I haven't heard off...here we have sweet bean pie, a custardy cousin to sweet potato pie. According to the article linked above, Nation of Islam members' beliefs did not permit them to eat beans, except for navy beans. They came up with this sweet recipe.

I've seen some sweet red bean pastry recipes in my Chinese cookbook, so I guess it's not totally unheard of to eat sweet beans. Interesting...I'll put this on my list of things to try!

Happy Meatless Monday!

Molee, molee, molee!

I was on a mission to have chocolate in every single dish for Valentine's Day, just to see if it could be done. And by that, I mean done well.

Stop wrinkling your nose.
.
.
.

No, really, stop! It's good!

Menu
Chocolate martinis
Spring greens, avocado, fried plantain with balsamic chocolate vinaigrette
Mole tacos (for me--eggplant; for my Valentine--turkey)
Chocolate Kahlua fondue with fresh strawberries and pineapple

By the time we were done with this chocolate extravaganza, we were vowing never to eat chocolate again as long as we lived. lol

I made the mole using a jarred mole paste. The jar's instructions said to blend it with broth--I used vegetable broth. I've never had mole before and hope to make it from scratch one day. I thought I'd try the jarred version first to get an idea of what it's supposed to taste like. Unfortunately, I now have enough mole paste to last me a long time.

I really wanted to try jackfruit in the mole. I've read it lends itself to dishes calling for shredded items in sauces (i.e., a vegetarian version of pulled pork). I couldn't find it in Wegmans, though. I've never even laid eyes on a jackfruit. I suppose that will be my next food quest.

Instead, I tried eggplant for mine. One word: INEDIBLE. Those flavors do not go well together at all. The eggplant tasted sour and the sauce was just odd. My Valentine loved his turkey taco with the same sauce, so my guess is the blend of eggplant and mole was the problem.

As I said, I've never had a mole so I was taking a risk paring it with something unusual without knowing what flavors might go with it. Or maybe it was the fact that I had the "molee molee molee!" scene from Austin Powers stuck in my head. ;)

I composted the mole eggplant and filled my tacos with plantain and the cheese (a nice local soft "farmer's cheese" since our grocery was sold out of queso fresco--equally good too). That was really, really good, especially since there were some remnants of the chocolate salad dressing on the plantain. I know, it sounds so odd, but it was scrumptious.

Other than that, mission accomplished--everything else was really tasty. Is there anything chocolate can't do? (Well yes, apparently there is--go with eggplant.)

I'll post pics as soon as I find the stinking cord to my camera.

P.S. Have a nice day and treat yourself, no matter if you're solo or with a friend. Enjoy. <3

Obsessed with tofu and meat-free substitutes

I don't know what it is about the dead of winter, but it often has me craving tofu and Morningstar meat substitutes. As you know, I usually make my own main dishes. For some reason, all I want is a Morningstar Griller. E.v.e.r.y. D.a.y.

Or tofu from the Chinese takeout shop. I haven't figured out exactly how they make it, but my guess is it's deep fried, then tossed with steamed vegetables in some sort of soy-based sauce.

Soy, soy, soy. I suppose there are unhealthier things to crave!

About this Blog

Beans are the solution to two of America's greatest social problems--the economy and obesity. This blog provides easy, unique meal ideas, product and restaurant reviews, and anecdotes about cooking successes and failures, along with a side dish of humor--all related to the humble legume.